There is a season turn, turn, turn

summer 5 watermark 

 I know change is good, and when it’s change I have been craving or working for
then it naturally feels like a success.

A goal met.

Crossing a finish line.

But sometimes change comes and it doesn’t feel great.

At least not a first.

Embracing it, especially when it looks like the direction we are needing or have to go.
It feels like loss, and trying to imagine the new reality feels like something inside of us has died.

The loss of whatever the dream was, or had been.
When faced with change, or the need to make decisions that mean big change,
it doesn’t feel like promotion, it feels like I am losing something.
Something I had wanted, but it’s not all about me.  So, I check my pride at the door
and get down to the real deal of my heart, and motives.  And stubborn will.

Logan has been asking to go to school for the past 8 or so months.
Not just out of curiosity, but really taking as much of a stand that an 8 year old
can take, and making it known he would like to enroll in our local school for 3rd
grade.

What?

I had our curriculum all picked out, and lots of fun activities lined up.

 

kids2

But we made a promise to ourselves when we began the home school journey four years
ago to try it in the first place, to evaluate periodically, and listen to each
child, and their heart.

Did last year really go that well? It wasn’t our best year.
And that doesn’t mean we failed, or that we couldn’t make a success of it
should we try again in the future, or put our heads down and try again this
year.  Either option would be ok, but isn’t necessarily the path that is best for
us.  And it doesn’t mean that we failed.

kids1 water

Failure would have never to have tried something that we were all very interested in.

Failure would have been feeling that nudge from God (like the nudge I have now)
and not responding. 

If we try, learn, and show up when we are given an opportunity, we will also know
when that path is changing.

The infrastructure of how it all works is so beyond my thinking, planning or
ability to orchestrate.  When the changes, and seasons do come, and we see them
for what they are, they aren’t always as bad as we initially thought.

For months I have felt like I failed my kids.
Like I have let them down somehow, even though I know they are excited,
and ready, and my husband really needs my help in our business now as well.
Funny how after we begin to wrestle with our new reality, and get closer to being
ok with change, that we can begin to see a teeny bit of the why.

 

kids6

I had to let go of something I thought I needed to keep doing, to see the next
place He would have me venture.

I think of a trapeze artist, flying and dangling many feet in the air.  So graceful,
yet such risk.  There is always that moment during the performance that you
feel tense as you watch them swing back and forth, building up to something
fantastic.

If you look closely, their fingers slip from the first bar, and they let go.
Let go, to fly in the direction they are to go, and grab onto the next bar.

Because they never could have reached it, had they not have let go of the first bar.

How many things do we hold onto because they feel safe, or normal,
when grabbing a new bar is really good for us?

Because we tried, had a few really fun years, and are now ready to experience
everything about the next act in our show, I feel excited.

That feeling you get when the first fall breeze is in the air, and you realize
there are some leaves on the ground.
Something magical and amazing, and hard, and worth it is going to happen.

It will certainly be an adjustment, but we made the decision a couple months
ago so I have had time to transition, and get pumped about our next adventure.
I’m sure there will be a tear or two, but that’s more about seeing them grow up
so fast, and feeling so proud to be their Mom.  My Grandma Edith told me years
ago that my children will teach me way more than I teach them.

Perhaps the teacher has also been a student the past few years,
learning how to leap & trust & be ok with it all.

Thank you so much for reading friend, wishing you a blessed & creative day-

 

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