A new year + making peace with my size 16 body

I know I am not the only one who has struggled with their weight.

That it’s not just about what size we are, but what we see when we look in the mirror.  Who looks back at us and do we approve or make a list of everything that needs to change.

Living in a society where youth and the media’s opinion of beauty are prized, sometimes it’s really hard to feel like you can even throw your hat in the ring at a size 16.

But this is where I have landed.  I have gained and lost hundreds of pounds.  Been so thin my doctor and friends were concerned, and been carrying enough weight that a flight of stairs kicked my ass.

Finding out I was dancing with Type 2 Diabetes a few years ago, and having suddenly lost my Mom to Diabetic complications three years ago has weighed heavy on my heart. 

Myself and my body have found a happy place with a balanced diet, no weight gain, and the energy that I need to keep up with the demands of working full time, my family and home and trying to find a little creative time too.

I am a size 16, I wear a 1x sometimes a 2x depending on the brand and I am happy.  I have waited so long to even say it out loud.  I was afraid I was giving up or back on the road to another rapid weight gain, but after spending a couple years healing from an abusive relationship and learning how to love myself again, something new was born.

Acceptance, and approval of myself exactly how God created me. 

It has not been an easy journey, and I have worked on how I look at food and my relationship with it.  Once I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted, and stopped lying to myself or hiding and eating something changed.  I ate less and felt good.

My home became a peaceful place again, and I am not at war with myself any longer.  If as the years go on I creep up a bit I know what I need to do to get back to where I feel good. I am 45 years old, and I a no longer ashamed of my body.  I have four beautiful children and have a grandson who giggles and won’t sit still since he is 3. 

A life full of stories and some heartache here and there.  And laughter and worry, and seasons of good times and some painful times too.  They are mine, and I have lived every minute of them in this body.  And at this point in my life I am so proud to be a survivor and not only have overcome what felt like the end, I am growing still.

What if I would have given up and believed the lies that I am fat and not good enough? What if I would have spent the next 10 years worrying constantly about every bite of food and labeling myself a failure for not being a size 8.

I am so excited to enter this new year leaving behind the weight that was not carried on my body but the weight that has burdened my spirit.  God did not put us here to walk about hating his creation.

I still got it, and so do you.  We will never have peace if we don’t first love exactly who we are today and take care of her.  A light bulb went on I stopped giving a crap what anyone else thought and decided I am going to set down the heavy burden of accepting body shame.

I never want to go back to that place again, and am making my resolution this year not to lose the last ten pounds or another goal that really was self-loathing shrouded in a “goal.”

My goal this year is to continue to take good care of me, to continue to explore this journey of seeing myself through my Maker’s eyes, and having fun.

It wasn’t until I let go of my stubborn views and stopped trying to be perfect that I saw what peace looked like.  Not because life is perfect and I have no struggles or difficult people to deal with, that has not changed.  But they are manageable now, and each challenging moment doesn’t whisper to me words of failure anymore.  But it’s a reminder to press into God, to throw my pain on Him and talk about it instead of hide.

We are all on our own journeys, and while one of us may not struggle with body acceptance we have each have our own burdens that end up robbing our joy and taking the fun out of life.

Are you working on taking your joy back in some area of your life? I would love to hear from you and want you to know that you are beautiful.  And worthy, and loved, and cherished.  And you deserve peace in your life and spirit, and a smile on your gorgeous face.  If you don’t believe that now I understand, but we can remind each other that we are beautiful, and powerful, and good enough.  You are amazing, and you have a voice and gifts that were given only to you. 

I am so excited to see what this year brings, I am excited for everyone on the journey of healing and stepping into the places that are scary but where we grow and become who we were created to be.

And as a visual reminder this free printable can be saved to your desktop and printed at an 8.5″ x 11″ print just for you!

Love you bunches friend,  I wish you the most wonderful, blessed New Year!

xo, Tanya 

linking up to: http://www.savvysouthernstyle.net/

And these awesome parties: https://twelveoeightblog.com/awesome-link-parties